It’s ironic and maybe not, that I am feeling that IG pressure. That FOMO feel that I am not participating or doing what I so dearly love to do, tie. I just so love to tie. I love to tie up humans.
I watch through my feed other’s tying and describing their adventures and experiences, And in that while I am so happy to see it and read it, I feel pressure that I am being left out or falling behind. While at one moment it seemed endless my possibilities, the rainy days have ended. I am in a drought. Self inflicted for the most part.
I wanted to focus more on tying and less on photography so I was already transitioning to less more frequent tying, but so much has changed. I sit at home now watching others. It sucks really and lonesome.
I tell myself this is a big lesson, to find me, but still. I found so much self worth and affirmation from tying. It filled me. Now it’s absent. Ugh!!!!
So I watch others tie and I feel like I’m missing out. It kind of hurts me and makes me moody and sometime angry to the point of resentment. It’s that IG feeling.
I’ve read the algorithm knows how to make one irritated, angry, purposefully designed to do this. I wonder as I watch IG that it feeds me posts that just makes me feel this way. Perhaps it knows by doing this it will prompt me to post my work for affirmation and more participation. But I am on a hiatus, a hard pause yet again. And no matter how the irritating posts of my friend’s great rope experiences make me feel bad, I am unmoved to post. So I am stuck. I won’t post so it shows me irritating stuff to make me post. I just can’t though. Not now. So the cycle of sadness and feeling left out goes on.
I know I must have made others feel this way, while I just tried to be inspirational and share my love of bondage, I am certain my constant barge of rope after rope caused them some FOMO too. Now I am there.
Update: 15 Minutes Later
Of course I do follow those persons I like to see. So maybe it’s not the algorithms mal-intentions. Maybe it’s just me felling sad that my days have changed. And now as I peer into my Black Mirror and I see what I so endeared as affirmative. Maybe all along I was a part if this mess, and now I am on the other side. Woe is me…blaming the algorithm…maybe it’s me?