Theres is nothing like blatant, disheartening, awful-gut fucking-wrenching failure….Black Hole Sun….

Back in 94….I was matriculated and thence no further than 8 full moons I was cast out…I utterly and completely failed graduate school…I sat the other day listening to this song last Sunday afternoon after a successful Tengu Shibari lab day….feeling really good….

The bed held my hung head as I described to my partner that Black Hole Sun was a popular song at the time I withdrew from Stanford Graduate school…and how it haunted me for years and years and years…it drove me to succeed at work at all cost…even a second marriage….it’s a long story.

But when you’re young and failure hits you where and when you thought you were indestructible, it haunts you. I faced it and never would I have it again…yet I sit again…yes I failed at a second marriage…

Life experiences…they teach you one thing. “FUCKING GET SOME GRIT!” Get down…and for once. and final, stop fucking being a pussy-loser…having failures over and over…does one give up?

Does one learn…yes it’s why I am where I am in rope…it came at the expense of failures….why so many don’t try…they can’t take the feeling of being told to learn and try harder. To fail.

Failure….how the fuck can you know success without failure?  You can’t…

It is why I am traveling to Denver Thursday to meet my mentor Kazami to train again…from 20016 in Japan…I go back to learn failure once again to feel it again…

Terrible divorce…graduate school failure…rope experience….Black Hole Sun.

Face your fear dear friends…