Human Is? – A Glimpse of Me

Vera (Essie Davis) Philip K. Dick’s Electric Dreams Episode 109 “Human Is”

I am a SciFi Fan through and through, I watched Black Mirror at the recommendation of a coworker who read me like a book, and he was right, I couldn’t stop. That was four years ago. It’s hard to top Black Mirror, and I am not about to say Electric Dreams on Amazon has; I am am to attest that while watching the episode Human Is, of Electric Dreams, a mini-identity crises emerged in me. Just enough to keep me up for awhile, and enough to occupy my thoughts as I worked today.

Silas (Bryan Cranston) and Vera (Essie Davis)

Essie Davis, the actress who plays Vera, next to Bryan Cranston who is Silas, her husband, enthralled me. Vera’s demeanor, her femininity captivated me. I saw her and simply to say, I saw me. I saw a person that was once me, a shadow of me, Delilah, whom I have lost some touch with. At one time, just before my divorce, I seemed so close to being Delilah in full, an inch away. So close. Then my divorce happened and like a person losing their religion, I lost some sight of her with of course the help of a bottle.

Vera clearly a female identifying persona, echoed the sentiment inside of me, and I suppose still resides. Delilah is still with me.

While I enjoyed the episode, I more so enjoyed watching Vera just be her. It was like I was watching myself or more like, that’s how I see Delilah. A deep yearning inside of me welled up. I can be Delilah again, I want to be her. But, I still fear society, however, I could not live as Delilah. Being Delilah would be a part time lifestyle, despite all the great steps toward nonbinary identities. I know inside wearing a dress every day will not work. Still deep in me, today, as I worked I could feel this drive. If one may understand, its like a love for someone or something that makes your heart stop, that electric chill that hits your chest, that gives you that pulse between your legs, a feeling of desire and want, energy and excitement, that is how I felt today. Here and there, I do have slight cold, so I was not exactly 100%.

Still, I must say there was something about Vera that simply seemed to be Delilah. Pretty cool, right? It’s a bit scary to have a mini-identity crises, and a bit, well; invigorating, mind blowing, and; Affirming.