I am a SciFi Fan through and through, I watched Black Mirror at the recommendation of a coworker who read me like a book, and he was right, I couldn’t stop. That was four years ago. It’s hard to top Black Mirror, and I am not about to say Electric Dreams on Amazon has; I am am to attest that while watching the episode Human Is, of Electric Dreams, a mini-identity crises emerged in me. Just enough to keep me up for awhile, and enough to occupy my thoughts as I worked today.
Essie Davis, the actress who plays Vera, next to Bryan Cranston who is Silas, her husband, enthralled me. Vera’s demeanor, her femininity captivated me. I saw her and simply to say, I saw me. I saw a person that was once me, a shadow of me, Delilah, whom I have lost some touch with. At one time, just before my divorce, I seemed so close to being Delilah in full, an inch away. So close. Then my divorce happened and like a person losing their religion, I lost some sight of her with of course the help of a bottle.
Vera clearly a female identifying persona, echoed the sentiment inside of me, and I suppose still resides. Delilah is still with me.
While I enjoyed the episode, I more so enjoyed watching Vera just be her. It was like I was watching myself or more like, that’s how I see Delilah. A deep yearning inside of me welled up. I can be Delilah again, I want to be her. But, I still fear society, however, I could not live as Delilah. Being Delilah would be a part time lifestyle, despite all the great steps toward nonbinary identities. I know inside wearing a dress every day will not work. Still deep in me, today, as I worked I could feel this drive. If one may understand, its like a love for someone or something that makes your heart stop, that electric chill that hits your chest, that gives you that pulse between your legs, a feeling of desire and want, energy and excitement, that is how I felt today. Here and there, I do have slight cold, so I was not exactly 100%.
Still, I must say there was something about Vera that simply seemed to be Delilah. Pretty cool, right? It’s a bit scary to have a mini-identity crises, and a bit, well; invigorating, mind blowing, and; Affirming.