Runaway 12/31/21

In 1995 I had so much hope…it was a transition for me. From Stanford University to UC Santa Cruz. I had basically failed at Stanford and reapplied to Santa Cruz and was accepted. It was a blessing. It changed my life and Santa Cruz helped me launch a successful career.

At the time, the song Runaway by Janet Jackson was a hit and I loved it at the time. As I just heard it now driving to get some new MAC makeup, it reminded me of the good feelings I had. To be accepted. Validated.

Today I am far different. I am deeply saddened inside. Almost Broken. My wings cannot lift me. I wish it were not the case but it is. I am lost inside. I cannot seem to find a path that is mine. While I tie so many beautiful people and they trust me to the core, I am unfulfilled. I think it’s an irony of a rope top which I’ll discuss later.

Candidly I know my melancholy stems from when my girlfriend recently left me. It triggered an abandonment I had not felt since my last wife left me. I seemingly deserve and earn this place in life. I know I sound like I am feeling sorry for myself. But fate is what we make sometime.

So as contemplate my place on the last day of 2021 I see that Rope is a path. It is a gateway to many great things. But I lean on it so much. It cannot hold the weight I carry; however. The burden on abandonment I feel has too much mass that not will not buoy me . I conclude now cause I’m ready to get my base, I find that it’s Ironic that this song Runaway, the title, makes me remember happiness. Cause runaway is what I want to do. but I can’t can I?

Happy New Year