As I embrace the reality of my self in a hospital pre-op room I await the washing over of a super dose of Xanex they gave me. In a hospital it feels right to relax and let the meds work. At home, it felt questionable to take Xan except when I really needed to calm down. In truth I did need it at times at home, relationships caused me so much stress and of course raising twins had its hard moments.

Now that the feels kick in I feel ready for the procedure. There is nothing wrong with using meds when needed hut it’s the part about enjoying the feels that makes me second guess myself. It’s like why not just relax and let the Xan do its job and my host of doctors and nurses do their’s (sober of course).

Meanwhile I now take in the feels and let myself drift. The real 🫀surgery is yet to come. And very very soon. Days or weeks. I am ready!! Freddy. Haha. Maybe it’s the feels making me so confident again.

Keep y’all posted on the outcome and schedule.

When awake I will have hospital grade pancakes, egg white omelet and turkey sausage links with a diet sprite. Truth be told. When I get out, it’ll be burger time for dinner.