I was on the phone with my partner, and told her I feel like a loser/. Like a big loser.  I just feel so unattractive, so unappealing, non-appetizing, boring unskilled rope player.  Yeah I work every day, pay my bills, wash my car.  In the end, I still get fucking dumped.

The friends I thought I had watch in dismay….I really feel stupid. Duped….I’m dismayed at my gullibility of love and commitment…it’s non-existent….it’s a state of intensive flux…love is strong or weak…and at times disconnects in its current, like a magnetic loop breaking on a stars corona…snap!

Love…I’m such a loser for thinking I had it…jokes on me Delilah…now…I’m on my floor watching my kids grow up in two stupid fucking houses….there’s no glory in this…two houses is away of saying divorced for gen-X’ers….hehe say it again…wait until you divorce!  I thought we’re or I am different than our divorced parents…hehe…no, we have an app to manage our divorced selves….one day one day….we’ll be like our parents old, wrinkled…stupid…watching our kids marry and do stupid shit like this.

I’m a stupid loser for thinking i could do it…raise my kids together…not like my parents…not like them….I’m better.  I’m such failure. Hard to believe. What a failure I have become.

Loser in an apartment…not much separate than in the sidewalk.