Finally my time came, the reckoning of the Seven Wild Horses, had littorally walked to my doorstep and entered. I was interviewed by a world famous Dominatrix, whom I won’t mention for the protection of her identity (kidding), for real reasons to come later, interviewed by a super-Domme about my life in the Scene. Centrally the questions pertained to my life being married to a dominatrix, my life as a Scene member (model/rigger), my life as cross dresser which I attest to be transgendered. An inquistion of who is Delilah Knotty.
Being honest, I was hestitant to do this interview. I conjured up ideas to roadblock it, though I find it silly now that the interview is done, the interview was a hugely insightful event, I expressed my thoughts on the Scene and my private life in detail that rolled off my tongue with ease. Questions came one after the other, 100 minutes worth, and I addressed each one with honesty and candor, with of course a bit of reservation to protect identities (for real). In the end I felt relief, I felt as if an unknowing weight that burdened me was lifted. As if gravity was weakened, however, the earthly pull is omnipresent as this cathartic event allowed me to recognize that a burden still exists on my soul. Let’s delve into it, shall we?
All this time I have lived a dual life, the Vanilla worker bee dedicated to family and country, paying taxes, voting, consuming, being the upright citizen (as we all are). All while, maintaining another distinct profile in the Scene, wholly separate, Delilah Knotty. As I have mentioned in a previous blog, there may be a day in which the two identities, Vanilla-Binder G and Delilah Knotty, are relalized to be one and the same with a potential for some overtly, self-righteous attempt to induce a form of social shaming against me. It has always been a concern, not paralyzingly as to some who shy off to be photographed for concern of being identified, hardly the case if you now my on-line profile. In truth, my concern that ‘they’ will not understand DK as a rigger, or even more the Damsel In Distress Delilah Knotty that I so-so love to protray. It may be an offense to them, that I as transgendered, I like to be tied up and gagged. More so, filmed all while tied up and gagged, and posted on-line, posting for 15 years.
This is the essence of me maintaining, nurturing, coddling a dual presence. The immensity of the Internet has shielded me all along. Yet now this is potentially all over, this interview as part of something much bigger (because my interview is but 1%), yet if taken-up could propel me to the general public for scrutiny. Let’s be real, however, I am not naive to contemplate that as an expressionist bondage model for so many years on-line, or in private, would never be correlated to my true identity. It’s a miracle that it really hasn’t at all. Life is stranger than fiction, as ‘they’ will potentially find out.
Now after this interview, I find that I am more prpeared to address the social indignation when that day of recognition arives. When the questions of who are you, you are Delilah Knotty, who is Delilah, I will be more prepared to answer because, they just have been on Friday. Now, will I be ready for the social pressure that ensues, that is another matter.